Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
