Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
