I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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