We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
