Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
