Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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