I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
