The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We have started to decorate penises.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
