I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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