i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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