i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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