i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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