what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
