i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
