Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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