god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
