Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
