I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
