If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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