You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
