It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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