I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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