I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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