All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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