ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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