i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
