I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
