so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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