i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
