i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
