Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
