The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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