And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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