I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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