I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
