I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
