She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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