Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I want is dick and wine.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
