Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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