gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
