I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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