i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
