No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
