I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
