sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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