I think I died a long time ago.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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