Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
be right there i have to get my cape
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
