4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My pussy is not your playground.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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