i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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