Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
