how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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