Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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