So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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