It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
