I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
