I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
