all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
