we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
