So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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