Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
